It’s bad enough I’ve let my stepmother and stepsister treat me like shit, and I’ve let my father ignore me and his mounting problems. It’s down right pathetic I let a guy I’ve only known for a few days make me feel worse.
CHAPTER 11
Declan
I hear a low whistle from behind me and look away from the door Mackenzie just exited to find Brooke standing in the open, sliding doorway that leads out to the sundeck. As if it wasn’t bad enough I made the mistake of crossing the line with a guest, something I’ve never done in my career, I also had a witness to my asshole behavior when I tried to fix things in the most fucked up way imaginable.
I got caught up in the moment with Mackenzie, thinking I could take what I’d been craving since I first laid eyes on her and then move on and do my job, but that was impossible. I couldn’t stop thinking about her; I couldn’t stop wanting her and wanting more and it fucked with my head. I woke up yesterday morning with my thoughts a jumbled mess, wondering what she was thinking, what she was doing, where she was on the ship, and if she was replaying everything that had happened the night before and hungering for more just like I was. For the first time in four years, I got my ass chewed out by the captain. I screwed up the hand signals helping him lift anchor, I forgot to clean the windows for him in the wheelhouse, and neglected a whole other laundry list of duties I’ve always stayed on top of. All because I couldn’t stop thinking about the sound of Mackenzie saying my name when she came.
“You’re a dick,” she says, stating the obvious.
“I’m sorry. That was completely unprofessional of me.”
Brooke laughs softly, but there’s no trace of humor on her face as she shakes her head at me.
“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, and I don’t give a rat’s ass about you being unprofessional. I’m not gonna go tattling on you to the captain.”
I let out a small sigh of relief, even though I know that’s not what I should be the most concerned with right now. Instead of talking to Mackenzie like a man, I took the pussy way out by treating her like shit to push her away. Avoiding her after the captain verbally kicked my ass worked for a little while. I was able to get back to work and stop hearing the echoes of her moans in my head or still feel how tightly her body gripped around my fingers, but as soon as I walked into this room and saw her standing by the bar, muttering angry curses under her breath at her computer, it all came crashing back and I forgot how to breathe. She wore a sheer cover-up over that fucking blue bikini, but I could still clearly see every inch of her gorgeous body underneath. The same body I’d touched and been inside of. Her thick, dark hair was up in a messy bun on top of her head with pieces falling down around her face, but I could still see the smooth expanse of her neck. The same one I’d nipped with my teeth and tasted with my tongue.
When my dick instantly hardened for her, it pissed me off that I had no control whenever I was within ten feet of that woman. She made me forget about my job, she made me disregard my dreams and almost throw away everything I’d worked so hard for. She made me want to break all of my own rules and not give a shit about the consequences. I had every intention of telling her what happened was a one-time thing, apologize for acting unprofessionally and assure her I wouldn’t do anything else to screw up the rest of her vacation, but it all flew out the fucking window when my dick had other ideas and I lashed out at her.
“Let’s just get something straight here, buddy,” Brooke continues. “I know you look at my friend and you see a woman who’s led a privileged life and that seems to piss you off for some reason, but you don’t know one Goddamn thing about her.”
What she’s saying to me isn’t really a surprise. Even though the rest of her family acts like entitled assholes, I knew within the first couple of minutes of meeting her she was different from them. But that doesn’t mean she hasn’t had an easy life. It doesn’t mean she hasn’t had things handed to her on a silver platter that other people had to bust their ass for. Sure, she’s not a bitch and she appreciates people who do things for her and actually has manners, but we live in completely different worlds. She doesn’t know the first thing about sacrifice or worrying about screwing up a job that you depend on to pay the bills and to make your dreams come true. All of these differences between us become more glaringly obvious with each day that passes. I know I handled it all wrong, but the facts are still there. I refuse to ignore them just because she’s the hottest woman I’ve ever met.
“I know enough,” I reply in irritation, not wanting to get into this with Mackenzie’s best friend.
“No, you don’t. You see what you want to see. I know you guys just met, and I know whatever this thing is between you two isn’t going to turn into some happily ever after bullshit, but that still doesn’t give you the right to judge her,” Brooke fires back. “I thought it would be good for her to have a little fling with a hot guy on vacation. Something easy and fun that would take her mind off of things, but you want to make it more complicated and difficult, and she doesn’t need that shit right now, especially from you.”
I scoff, and now it’s my turn to shake my head at her.
“Especially from me? A poor, lowly deckhand who wasn’t born with a silver spoon in his mouth?” I argue, my anger rising even though I know I’m doing it again. Forgetting about my professionalism and letting my emotions take over.