I watch her mouth drop open with a small gasp, but I keep going.
“Life is crazy as hell. Right when you think you have things all figured out, a storm comes along and throws you off course. You’ll figure out what you want and you’ll make it happen, because you’re smart and strong and fierce.”
I finally let go of the wheel and move around it to stand in front of her, needing to touch her so badly it hurts. Cupping her face in my hands, I tilt it up so I can see her eyes and watch them fill again with tears.
“What are we doing?” she whispers. “This is supposed to be light and easy and fun. We’re not supposed to be talking about hopes and dreams.”
Leaning my forehead against hers, I rub my thumbs back and forth across the smooth skin of her cheeks.
“We can still keep it light and easy and fun, if that’s what’s you want.”
I hold my breath as she moves her body closer to mine, resting her hands on my hips.
“There are things going on in my life back home. Things I can’t—”
I cut off her words with a soft kiss. Just a touch of my lips to hers, holding them there and savoring their warmth and fullness before pulling my head back to look at her.
“We still have a few days to figure things out. If light and easy is what you want, that’s fine with me. For now.”
She smiles up at me and I slide my hands down over the sides of her neck, her shoulders and her arms, before sliding them around her waist and pulling her against me, feeling a little more hopeful than I did when I first walked in here. I can tell she’s still holding back. There’s something she wants to tell me, but she’s scared and not ready yet. I can work with that. I can wait until she’s ready.
“You know, I’ve been slacking with my studies lately. I could really use a study partner,” I tell her.
She pushes up on her toes and gives me a quick kiss.
“I’m an excellent study partner. How about you go get your books and meet me in my room. I might be able to come up with a few incentives to help,” she tells me with a wink.
The tension is gone from Mackenzie’s face as she teases me, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the room. I’ll let her keep things light and easy for now, give her more of myself in the process, and show her she can trust me.
She can trust us and whatever is happening between us.
CHAPTER 22
Mackenzie
Declan’s words from last night have been playing in my head ever since we parted in the middle of the night. As soon as he said them to me, I knew there was no way my heart would survive this. I wanted to tell him everything I was feeling, everything going on in my life, but something held me back. The ticking of the clock winding down our time together stopped me from telling him I didn’t want to ever leave this boat, or him. Knowing I make him want to change his plans and everything he’s worked so hard for scares the hell out of me.
I wanted to be here when he took his exam, and I wanted to be the first one to congratulate him when he passed. I wanted to watch him standing behind the wheel of a ship in his captain’s uniform, humoring me by pretending to steer it.
Instead of telling him all of these things, I showed him the only way I could. I kept things light and easy, even though I wanted nothing more than to make them heavy and difficult. My heart soared when he told me I made him want to change his plans, but that’s exactly why I had to keep things simple. There’s no way I would do anything to prevent him from making his dreams come true. He had his whole life figured out, and mine was a mess. I couldn’t bring him down with me when he had everything he’d ever wanted right within his grasp.
After we left the wheelhouse, I made him go back to his room and grab whatever study materials he had, meeting me back in my room where we kicked out Brooke and Ben. We sat in the middle of my bed and I fired off questions, keeping with the whole light and easy theme by telling him I’d take off an item of clothing for each one he got right.
Since I only had on a dress, a bra, and underwear, and he clearly knew all of the material forwards and backwards, it only took three seconds for me to be completely naked. He played along with my plan, not bringing up anything heavy between us. I upped the ante as I sat in front of him not wearing a stitch of clothing. He seemed to be quite pleased with himself, unable to wipe the smirk from his face.
For every question he got right, he had to do whatever I asked. It started out simple with a few kisses, making him remove all of his clothes, and a quick back massage while I laid on my stomach and he straddled my body as I searched through the pile of books trying to find the hardest questions I could. It didn’t matter. He got every single question right.
I quickly realized it was to my benefit that he answered them correctly. I was so worked up sitting across from him and only having his hands on me every couple of seconds in between questions that I finished off our study session by asking him, “What’s the name of that thing you drop to keep a boat in place?”
He grabbed my ankles and yanked me closer to him on the bed, got up on his knees and muttered “Anchor. No more questions,” before giving me my reward and putting his head between my thighs.
It was fun and it was easy and it was exactly what I thought I needed until the sun came crashing through my window this morning and I realized I was one day closer to saying good-bye to him.
I wanted to get up and find him and tell him all of my problems with my father and his company. Unload everything on him so I didn’t have to carry it around inside me eating away at me. I wanted to make him understand why I’m holding back and not giving him everything.