I still wasn’t ready.

As if knowing my thoughts, my eyes jerked up and I saw the portrait of Ethan and Jesse again. I felt him beckoning to me. Purposely avoiding it when we first came inside, I couldn’t look away now. God. My throat trembled as agony spread in me.

I missed him. So damn much.

“—bathroom, Alex?”

Jolted back to the room, I looked around. Dazed. “Huh?”

Beth’s eyes darted to Cord from underneath her eyelids.

Oh. I turned to see that he had risen from the table. He knew. How did he know? But I brushed a hand over my eye and took a deep breath. I couldn’t break down in this room, not with these people. “What’d you say?”

“Do you have to use the bathroom? You can use the one downstairs.”

I caught the extra meaning and nodded, grateful now.

“What? Hell no,” Jamie growled. “Downstairs is off-limits to chicks. What are you thinking?”

Beth hastily stepped in. “I have to go to the bathroom too.”

Hannah sighed and plopped down on one of the chairs. She grumbled, “This is going to take a while. She can pee forever.”

“See. Jesse won’t care if she uses the bathroom. It’s not like she’s going to use his personal one.”

Another furtive glance. Another furtive meaning. Caught it and understood. I was bursting at the seams to get to Jesse now, but I held back. Jamie opened his mouth again, another argument on the tip of his tongue.

“I think she could wait,” Tiffany offered, frowning at me with suspicion lurking in her depths. “Or she can use the one upstairs.”

“Which is filthy.” Cord pointed to the door. “Go ahead, Alex. You’re not going to get murdered down there. I don’t know why they’re freaking so much.”

“Rules are rules, dude!”

Hannah held a hand in the air. “I’ll use the one upstairs. If they’re going, I’m going.”

“Oh my god!” Tiffany threw her arms in the air now. “Pee break for everybody?”

Kara stood. “I don’t know about a bathroom break, but I wouldn’t mind pouring some more wine and maybe ordering a pizza?”

“These are your residents. You can’t drink with them.”

Kara frowned at Tiffany, but shrugged. “I don’t think Beth or Alex will say anything. They’re kind of related to our group of friends now, aren’t they?”

“Go, Alex.”

Cord’s statement was soft and all the clearer against everyone else.

A ball of emotion was in my throat. I couldn’t speak because of it, but I nodded at him, gratefully, and didn’t wait for another chance. As soon as I was through the doors, I shut it behind me and heard the automatic lock click in place. Jesse had told me about that. The door had a passcode to get through to his area; it was one of the only reasons why he allowed any parties to be thrown in the house. He never wanted anyone in the basement except the few he trusted.

Hurrying down the stairs, I didn’t turn on any lights. I knew the way by memory.

His door was open and I knew he’d been waiting. He knew I would come. Turning into his door, he lifted his head. His elbows rested on his knees, as he was perched on the edge of his bed. Just waiting. No other lights were on, only what could be seen from the moon as it filtered through his opened windows. A breeze wafted in, caressing against my cheeks.

Right there, right then in that moment, I felt beautiful.

As he watched me with a somber expression, with the breeze, the sounds of outside as a backdrop, I saw the darkening of lust in his gaze.

My heart jumped to my throat. I was moving before I knew it and I was in his arms. He caught me and fell back on the bed with me on top. Pressing a kiss to my throat, he whispered against my skin, “You think I’m mad at you, don’t you?”

I nodded. My throat was too thick. I couldn’t speak.

“I’m not. I promise.”

“You looked hurt.” My tongue was so damn heavy and big. It was constricting me. That was why I couldn’t talk.

“I was.”

“What?”

Moving to the side, I propped myself up on an elbow as he mirrored my position. He grinned and traced a finger down my side profile, down my neck, to my shoulder, down my arm, my hand, my waist, all the way over my stomach, and back up.

I was breathing heavy by the end, when he paused at the corner of my lips. With my eyes closed, I waited and tried to memorize every touch from him. I wanted them in my permanent memory for when we wouldn’t be like this. Huskily, I asked, “Why were you hurt?”

He pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. His hand flatted over my stomach with his thumb rubbing in a circle. “Because you were in my house, with my friends, and I wasn’t the reason you were here.”

“What?”

More heavy breathing. His damn thumb was talented.

He chuckled against my skin, lingering over my lips. “I was jealous, Alex.”

“What?” I shoved him back enough so I could stare at him. My heart was throbbing in me. I felt every beat pulsate through my body. He must’ve felt it as he was pressed against me.

His hand moved up the middle of my back and splayed out in a possessive hold between my shoulder blades. The tips of his fingers gripped my skin like he didn’t want to let go. Ever. A primal thrill swept over me and I sank back down over him. My body melted onto his as I forgot what we were talking about. Nothing mattered. Jesse swept the demons away. I wanted him to sweep ours away, the one the two of us had created. It was dark and looming, wrapped with fear because I didn’t know what was going to happen with us anymore.