I glanced around the massive room, only now realizing there was no other place to sleep. “You’re not staying?”

She seemed surprised for a moment, then smiled. “It’s not proper for a servant to sleep in this part of the castle, milady. There’s a bell on your nightstand. If you need anything, just ring, and one of the guards will alert me.”

I should have known a servant wouldn’t sleep with a future princess, but I’d never slept alone before. I was coming to think of Ebb as a friend, when I needed to remember that this was her job, nothing more. Still, I couldn’t deny how grateful I was to have her here. “Thank you, Ebb. For everything.”

She blushed and curtsied before slipping out the door. There was no fireplace here, presumably because there was nowhere for the smoke to escape, which explained all the blankets. The only light in the room came from the lunar moss. I burrowed down in my covers, feeling like an eel poking its head out of a grotto.

I must have fallen asleep without realizing it, because I woke up some time later thinking I was drowning, flailing in the sheets as though they were a fishing net. I kicked the blankets away from me until they lay piled on the floor. Now it was just me in a nightdress on top of the giant feather mattress. And I was freezing.

I pulled one of the fur throws off the floor and wrapped myself in it, feeling even more pitiful than I had in the carriage. The room was somehow cold and stuffy at the same time, the bed was far too soft, and it was too quiet without the soft breathing of my sister and the faint snoring from my father across the house.

My little trunk had been placed at the foot of my bed, and I scooted over to it, still wrapped in the blanket. As I lifted the lid, I was hit with the briny scent of the ocean, and the throb of homesickness was so intense my eyes filled with tears. I tucked my few pieces of clothing inside the wardrobe. The coral knife and pearl necklace went in my nightstand.

Sensing Ebb’s exhaustion earlier, I’d let her go without undoing my hair, but I wasn’t used to sleeping with pins in it. I went to the full-length mirror and sat down cross-legged before it, feeling ridiculous in my nightgown with the voluminous sleeves and lace-edged neckline. I set to work unpinning my hair, then massaged my scalp with my fingers the way Zadie would have done had she been here.

With my hair in wild waves around me and the soft blue light of the lunar moss reflecting off my skin, I looked like the sea witch from the stories Sami used to tell us. According to Varenian legend, she lived deep in the ocean, causing storms that sank ships and drowned sailors, whom the witch took as her lovers. The stories were violent and inappropriate for children, which made us delight in them all the more. Mother would have been appalled if she’d ever caught us; she believed only the gods had the power to cause storms and sink ships.

I gathered my hair around me and crawled back to the pile of discarded blankets on the floor, which felt a little closer to my straw mattress from home. I pulled a wayward throw up to my chin and cried myself to sleep.

      13

I was woken by a shriek, followed by the sounds of the door being flung open and an armed guard forcing himself into the room.

“Milady, are you hurt?” the guard asked.

I sat up, blinking in the gloom, and rubbed my eyes. Ebb stood in front of me, a freshly laundered pile of linens in a heap at her feet, her hands covering her mouth. The guard stood behind her, one hand on the hilt of his sword, his mouth slightly agape.

“What is it?”

“I’m sorry, milady. It frightened me to see you in such a state.”

I turned around and caught sight of myself in the mirror. It was worse than I’d feared. My nearly waist-length hair was everywhere, and I was tangled up in my nightgown. Noticing my bare legs for the first time, I hastily pulled the fabric down and did my best to subdue my hair.

“You may go,” Ebb said to the guard, who was still frozen in place. He snapped his mouth shut and made a hasty retreat.

“I’m sorry, Ebb,” I said, my cheeks burning. “The mattress was too soft, and there were too many blankets, and the pins in my hair were pinching my scalp. I couldn’t sleep like that.”

She regained her composure quickly, at least. “I understand. I’ll knock first next time.”

“That would probably be better for everyone.”

As Ebb stooped to gather up the linens, I realized that the moss lanterns had gone dim. It wasn’t until I looked up that I understood where the light came from. There were dozens of holes cut into the ceiling high above me, and a small amount of light filtered down through the glass in each one.

She followed my gaze. “The most important chambers have these skylights.”

As charming as the term skylights was, their existence didn’t make me feel important. Was I really going to spend my days in perpetual semidarkness? I was a creature of the sun and air, not some pale worm who’d spent her entire existence under a rock at the bottom of the ocean. The walls around me suddenly seemed unbearably heavy.

“I need air,” I said.

“Milady?”

“Fresh air. I can’t live like this.” My heart had begun to pound in my chest, and I was finding it hard to breathe. My skin prickled and itched with sweat. “Please, Ebb!”

“What can I do?” she asked gently, though I could see my panic was beginning to unnerve her. “Even if I was allowed to let you leave, you can’t go out dressed like that. Try to take some deep breaths.”

“I can’t,” I said, clawing at my chest. “That’s the problem.” My eyes darted around the room. I needed something of Varenia to cling to, something that could bring me back to myself. My eyes landed on the bath, which hadn’t been emptied last night due to the late hour. Ebb had promised someone would take care of it this morning.

Without thinking, I stripped off my nightgown and plunged into the tub, forcing my head under the surface. The water was freezing, but that actually seemed to help. For a moment, I just sat there, my hair fanning out around me, my heart rate instantly slowing. I counted out the beats. One. Two. Three. Four. All the way to one hundred.

I had started counting from one again when I heard muffled shouts from above and opened my eyes. It was Ebb. I lifted my head from the water and pushed the dripping hair off my face.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, barely out of breath.

“You were down there for ages! I was afraid you were drowning.”

Now that my senses had come back to me, I realized just how cold it was in the water. “Can you bring me a towel?”

She brought over several and helped me out of the tub. “How did you do that, milady?”

I smiled as I wrung my hair out over the tub. “It’s easy for me. We do that from the time we’re little in Varenia. I’m sorry for worrying you. I just needed to calm down, and I couldn’t think of another way.”

“I understand. At least, I think I can imagine how I’d feel if I was taken from Ilara to live in your home. All that open water... From now on, I’ll make sure you have a warm bath prepared every morning and evening, if you’d like.”

I couldn’t imagine having access to so much fresh water, but the bath had helped immensely. “That would be nice, Ebb. At least until I’m settled.”

She helped me dress in a silky black gown that flowed behind me as I walked. Ebb said that everyone here was in mourning for Princess Ilara. Did that mean no one had worn anything but mourning colors for hundreds of years? I thought of my red dress, of how I must have looked to Talin in such a bold color. That alone must have been shocking.

Ebb pinned up my hair in the same half-up style, which I quite liked. It wasn’t as messy as wearing it all down, but it meant my neck wasn’t bared to the chill.

“Everyone is talking about you this morning, how lovely your complexion is. One of the cooks said it’s all the sunlight that makes you Varenians so healthy. We don’t get much sun here in the castle.”

“So I’m learning.” I felt guilty for thinking Ebb looked ill when I first met her. I appreciated the loveliness of her white-gold hair now, her fair skin. She would have burned to a crisp in Varenia, but it suited this place somehow. It wasn’t her fault she had no access to light and fresh air.

My stomach growled loud enough for both of us to hear it. It was impossible to keep track of time here in the mountain.

“What time is it?” I asked as Ebb fastened a long gold chain around my neck. A heavy black jewel hung between my breasts. It was cold and uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I’d never worn jewelry before.

“Nearly midday. I’m afraid you slept through breakfast, but I figured you needed your rest after the journey you’ve had.”

I gasped and nearly knocked over my stool as I rose. “Midday! Is the royal family expecting me?”