The last thing he heard before he lost consciousness was Runa’s bloodcurdling wail.

Chapter 19

Kynan stood at the threshold to Gem’s apartment, his stomach in knots and his mind fuzzy from the half-dozen shots of liquid courage he’d slammed before coming over. Before Lori died, he hadn’t been much of a drinker, but lately he’d been lonely and all too eagerly seeking the kind of embrace only Captain Morgan could give him.

Though he normally didn’t fall into the Captain’s arms until after noon.

But this morning he’d started early, after calling Arik and confirming that the military knew about his work at UG. Ky had made clear that he wouldn’t betray Eidolon or the hospital, and Arik seemed to be cool with that. They’d spent some time catching up, and it had all been cozy—too cozy. His spidey sense was tingling.

The door opened, and Gem stood there, looking surprised and really freaking hot in a black V-neck, cropped sweatshirt that dipped low enough to reveal a hint of crimson bra beneath. Her black miniskirt seemed to be made of the same sweat material and was so short he wondered if she was wearing underwear that matched the bra. Strangely, he got the impression that this was her idea of lounge-around-the-house casual.

“Kynan. Ah, this is a surprise.”

“Can I come in?”

She narrowed her gaze at him as though trying to figure out if this was a trick, but she moved aside. Her sweet, citrusy scent came to him as he walked past, and he damned near swayed. It’s the alcohol.

Maybe, but it wasn’t the damned alcohol that was making his dick stand at attention. He entered her small living room and turned to her.

“Were you getting ready to go out?”

“Out?” She looked down at her clothes. “Oh, no. Nowhere special, anyway. I was going to raid the grocery store later. Exciting, huh?”

His dick jerked, because yep, it was excited. Little bastard.

He cleared his throat. Rubbed the back of his neck. Grew some balls to say what he needed to say.

“Yeah, look, Gem. I think we need to talk.”

“I think so, too.” She propped one hip on the back of her sofa, black leather like all her furniture. Even her lampshade was black. In fact, everything in her living room was either black or stark white. No shades of gray for Gem, but that was no surprise.

“Maybe we could start with why you’re still torturing yourself,” she said bluntly. “Lori’s been dead a year.”

He hadn’t expected that, and surprise veered quickly to defensive anger. “There’s a time limit on grief?” he snapped. “Is that a demon thing?”

“Why does it always come back to that? I could say I think clouds are pretty, and you’d say they’re only pretty to demons.”

The fact that she was right only pissed him off more. “What do you expect? I’ve been fighting them for years. Losing friends to them. Losing my wife to them.”

“And yet, here you are in a demon’s apartment.”

“I’m not here to stay.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you here?”

“To apologize. I was an ass the other night. I shouldn’t have led you on like that. I used you, and it wasn’t fair. I won’t do it again.”

“You didn’t use me. I needed you, you needed me … there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“We walk in different worlds, Gem.”

“Oh, really? Because I see you walking down the same hospital halls I do. I see you wearing the same hospital scrubs bearing the demon caduceus.”

Cursing, he jammed his fingers through his hair. “You think I don’t know how messed up that is?”

“I think you’re immersing yourself in a world you hate so you can hang on to your anger. You don’t want to forget your wife’s betrayal, do you?”

“You don’t know anything,” he ground out.

“You think I don’t see that it’s not demons you hate, but yourself? That you hate the fact that you’re starting to like some of us?” She walked up to him, got right up in his face so her br**sts brushed his chest. “You hate the fact that you want me. It’s driving you nuts, isn’t it? Screwing with your head.”

“You know what’s screwing with my head?” He fisted the hem of her skirt, and his voice plummeted to a low growl. “These skimpy little f**k-me outfits. Do you get off on teasing men? Is it human men you’re after? You like to f**k them and then laugh at how you got the unsuspecting, stupid human to screw a demon?”

They were unfair questions born of anger, frustration, and plain old lust. He wasn’t sure what he’d hoped to accomplish by asking them, but the pinch to his biceps wasn’t it.

“Dumbass.”

He blinked. “What?”

“Talking down to someone isn’t you, Kynan.” Her voice was soft but strong, and surprisingly free of anger. After what he’d said, she should be furious. “I know you’re hurting and you’re lost, but underneath it all, you’re still a decent person.”

“Stop saying that! Would a decent person abandon the people he worked with for years? Would he hang out with demons? Would he want to take a demon to b—” He broke off before he could say more, but she knew.

“I would never have taken you for a coward,” she said, which got the steam blasting through his veins. “But you are, aren’t you? You’re so afraid of your own weaknesses that you can’t allow yourself to feel anything. To do anything that might go against the mountain of moral superiority you stand on to look down at everyone else.”

Coward? He was still stuck on that word, one that took him back to his military days, where even the scent of cowardice in someone was a brand he couldn’t shake for his entire career. Ky could admit fear—who the hell wouldn’t while facing a thirty-foot-tall Gerunti demon with T-Rex jaws and claws as long as a man. But he wasn’t a coward.

Except he’d pretty much just proven her point when he’d failed to admit, even to himself, that he wanted her. He wanted to be all over her. Inside her. Making her scream. God help him, he wanted to sink into a demon’s body and scour away the rest of his troubles. Just take that last step to cross the line that separated good and bad. Naughty and nice. Pleasure and pain.

The line blurred as he let himself drown in her eyes, but when she licked her lips, the pink tip of her tongue parting them in a slow, sensual sweep, he didn’t just step over the line; he sprinted across it.

With no warning, he fisted the hair at the nape of her neck and brought his mouth down to hers. She stiffened. Sealed her lips and denied him entrance. All of his instincts came to bear, the male impulses that demanded he get the female under him, the soldier impulses that demanded victory.

He brought his hard body against her lush one. Heart pounding, he stroked the seam of her lips with his tongue with increasing urgency. He cupped her ass and pressed her against his rapidly growing erection, and with a groan, she went liquid. Her lips parted, and he took immediate advantage.

She tasted good, all sweet fruit and savory spice, and as his tongue tangled with hers, all he could think about was tasting her everywhere. He wanted to take her down to the floor and drive into her so hard she’d scream for more …

And then what? They’d get married and live happily ever after?

Panting, Ky tore away from her. His blood drummed painfully through his veins and his cock. “I can’t. This can’t happen.”

Gem’s eyes were glazed, the sheen of lust a beacon to everything that made him male. “Yes, it can. We’re adults, Kynan. We don’t need permission.” Her voice sharpened. “Or is this about your demonphobia?”

He wished it was only the demon thing. “I’m not ready for anything nice, Gem. I’d take you rough and hard, with a big, fat, emotional disconnect.” He took her chin in his palm and got in close. “It would be nothing but a f**k, and you’d be nothing but a body to spill into. I can’t give anything else right now, and you don’t deserve that. I can’t give you what you want. I don’t know if I ever can. The only thing I know is I’ve got nothing to offer you but sex.” He wheeled away, heard her stepping closer, dammit.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Ky, I’ve wanted you for so long. If I’d thought I had a chance with you back when Lori was alive, I’d have tried to get you, and I’d not have cared that you were married.”

Her voice, so small, with a touch of a tremor, set him off. “God, Gem, you can do better than me. You need to do better than me. You deserve much more than what I can give you.”

“Wow, it almost sounds like you respect me. A demon. I mean, really, does a demon deserve to be treated well?” Now her tone was bitter. He ground his teeth because she was right. She was a demon. Why was he worried about her feelings? Her fragility?

He spun around. “So you want it, then? You really want me to f**k you like an animal?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

He was on her in an instant. He spun her and bent her over the arm of the chair. With one hand he pushed her skirt up, with the other he released his raging erection. God, the sight of her tight, round ass had him panting even harder, and he took just a moment to stroke the soft skin there. She shuddered and pushed wantonly against him. Unable to wait and not wanting to slow things down, he tore off her underwear—red, as he’d guessed—and sheathed himself in one powerful stroke.

He felt her barrier too late, heard her cry of pain that didn’t end even after he’d frozen.

“Fuck.” Closing his eyes, he took a deep, shuddering breath. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because,” she murmured, head bowed so he couldn’t see her face, “I was afraid you wouldn’t do it if you knew.”

Snarling, he pulled out of her. “Damn f**king straight I wouldn’t have!” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. He’d already gone soft, so he tucked himself back in his pants and collapsed against the wall before his knees gave out. A virgin. He’d only had one before this.