Eighteen

At the Fitch house, after the children had been settled in bed and Ellie had gone to her apartment, Nick wandered into the kitchen where Jo was brewing a cup of tea. “Think I could have one of those?” he asked.

“You hate tea,” she said.

“Just the same, could I? And sit with you a minute?”

“Sure,” she said, totally confused. “But tea?”

“Want me to get it myself?” he asked. “I’d be glad to. You wait on me too much anyway.”

She went for a cup and saucer, put a tea bag in it and poured boiling water from the kettle. “I just do what I’m expected to do.”

He let that go a beat, until he was busily dunking the tea bag. “You do way more than what’s expected. What you’re doing for Danielle and Trevor, for example. If those kids didn’t have you, life just wouldn’t be fun for them right now. For that matter, if Ellie didn’t have you in her corner, I hate to think…”

“You should give yourself a lot of credit, too, Nick,” Jo said.

He took a courage-building breath. “We’re not a bad team, despite all. Jo Ellen, I’d like to say I’m sorry. I’d like to apologize to you for my mistakes, but as it turns out, there are too many to count. I could start right now and still not be done by next Tuesday. But in my gut, I’m aware of every mistake I ever made, and I’m sorry. I love you and I’m sorry.”

“Nick?” she questioned, dumbfounded.

“Seems like the turning point for us had to do with the adoption issue, but I don’t kid myself that that was all that was wrong between us. I bungled a lot of things, and somewhere along the line, I lost you.” He reached across the table to take her hand. At first she jumped, almost pulling her hand away. But then she thought better of it and let him hold it. “Can you ever accept my apology? I’m just not a very smart guy. I knew I was making mistake after mistake, but it was like I was helpless. Once you went to your own room, I wanted to pull you back to me. But instead, out of hurt pride, I pushed you further away. God, what I’d give to undo that, to be able to change course.”

“I know why you didn’t want to adopt children,” Jo said. “I never could accept it, but at least I knew your reasons. But what possible reason could you have for making passes at women? For making me a laughingstock?”

He shrugged and looked down. “Lord, I don’t have a reason. I was always looking for attention, I guess. Wanted you to think you had some competition, maybe. But you weren’t a laughingstock—it was you the town respected. I heard them say it—what is she doing with that idiot? Why does she stay with him? They knew why I stayed, even though it looked like I wasn’t satisfied in marriage. Because, Jo Ellen, there’s not a better wife in this town than you. You take better care of me and our home than any woman ever could. But even though you made sure I was never without a good meal or a sewed on button or a perfect house, our days of hugs and kisses have been over for decades. You know everything I like and don’t like, know everything about me, even though we hardly ever have a real conversation. I miss you, Jo Ellen.”

Jo felt the moisture rise in her eyes. “This is so sudden…”

“It probably seems like it. If you only knew how many times I wanted to bring it up, and didn’t know where to start.”

“And why now, Nick?”

“Because, Jo Ellen, seeing you with Ellie and the kids, I realize it’s not too late for us. It might be too late to adopt children, but…I’d like it if we get to keep Ellie and the kids as part of our family from now on. But even if that’s not possible for some reason, it’s pretty obvious we can make it our mission to have family. We can get involved in community stuff to do with children—they’re always begging for volunteers for everything. Make A Wish, Special Olympics, Parks and Rec, Little League, everything. We got us a new church in town—we can help out there. I bet there are single parents everywhere in this county that could use a hand…”

Jo started to laugh and squeezed his hand. “Don’t you dare volunteer us for anything without talking to me first.”

“I promise,” he said. “Jo Ellen, honey, can we start over? We used to have something pretty special, you and me. I don’t think it’s too late for that.”

“Ah. I think I know what you want. Pretty sneaky.”

“Huh? What?” he asked.

“Bedroom stuff,” she said. “That’s what this is all about.”

“Oh, phooey,” he scoffed. “That’s not what I’m after. I just want some good feelings to go with the great way we manage this marriage. Know what I mean?” He leaned toward her. “I want to hug. I want a kiss on the cheek sometimes. I want to help with the dishes and talk about our days.” Then he got a twinkle in his eye. “But, if I remember, we did have that bedroom stuff pretty well figured out.”

“Nick!” she said with a laugh.

“We did,” he said, grinning.

“I’m going to have to think about this a little bit. You took me by surprise.”

“Think about this, Jo Ellen,” he said, taking both her hands across the table. An unaccustomed dark stain rose up on his cheeks, like a youth looking for romantic courage. “We’re going to a fancy wedding on Saturday. In our brand-new church. We could hold hands while they say their vows and we could silently say ours to each other. Nothing official, no big announcement, but a private renewal for you and me. A new start. If you can forgive me for everything I did to screw us up, that is.”

She was quiet a minute. “I’m sorry, too,” she said. “And my list is long, too.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart,” Nick said softly. “I just want a chance to live the rest of our marriage in love again, like we used to be. Like I’ve been all this time.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Really. Will you think about it?”

“I will,” she said. And by the way she said that, he knew she wasn’t going to say no. He could see relief in her eyes that matched the relief he was feeling in his heart.

“Whew,” he said. “Think I’ll have a brandy. Want one?”

“What about your tea?”

“I hate tea,” he said. Then he smiled at her.

Noah couldn’t wait to tell Ellie about what Nate Jensen suspected—that Lucy was the mother of eight pups left under the Virgin River Christmas tree eight months ago. He had to be patient, however. It wouldn’t do to go bursting in on the Fitch household. And he’d be sure to run it by Ellie before sharing this story with the kids. It made him grin, though, knowing how the kids would enjoy it.

But he didn’t have to wait to tell Jack and Preacher. He leashed Lucy to the porch rail for her dinner, went inside for his own and said, “Wait till you hear this….”

When Noah repeated the story, Jack said, “No way! I never even knew Lucy before you brought her back to life! ’Course, I never knew Silas, either. His ranch was on the other side of the valley. Heard about the wreck, but—”

Jack turned and banged on the wall, bringing Preacher out from the kitchen. And when Preacher heard the story, he said, “No way! Lucy? Two of ’em didn’t get the border collie markings, just the long hair and pointy ears, but those pups could definitely belong to Lucy. Well, Noah, isn’t that just unbelievable? I’m going to have to look that up on the computer, see what I can find out about breeding, about mother dogs being reunited with their pups after a long separation.” And with that, he turned and went back to the kitchen.

Jack grinned. “That’s going to keep him busy for days. He won’t stop till he knows everything.” Jack leaned close. “Noah, Henry Depardeau took your man Arnie away. Said he’d broken some laws in another state and that he’s not going to make quick bail.”

“Good,” Noah said. “Because Ellie has her custody hearing on Friday morning.”

“I know,” Jack said. “It got leaked. Me and Preach, we’re closing up shop and heading for Eureka with our wives. I think we’ll have a good showing for her. I know it doesn’t really count for the judge’s decision, but it’ll make Ellie feel good.”

Noah was touched. “That’s nice, Jack. She’ll appreciate that.”

When the light tapping came at her door, Ellie didn’t have to ask who was there. Arnie was tucked away in jail and it was Noah’s usual visiting hour, which he liked to stretch out till dawn. When he walked in, Lucy by his side, Ellie said, “Oh, thank God, she’s all right.”

“Better than all right,” Noah said, taking off his jacket and tossing it in her chair. “Wait till you hear this. It turns out that little Christopher Middleton’s dog, Comet, and seven other pups that were abandoned in the cold of last Christmas, left to freeze, rescued by the town, are probably Lucy’s pups. Taken from her too early. She might have been trying to find her way back to them. That’s what Nate Jensen thinks could have happened.”

Ellie knelt in front of the dog and began to massage her neck and jowls with loving hands. “Is that a fact, my dear girl? Good for you.”

“Isn’t that remarkable?” Noah said.

Ellie shrugged. “It is if you don’t know much about women and mothers,” Ellie said.

“Are you doing all right?” Noah asked. “When I left you earlier, you were kind of strange. Preoccupied.”

She stood up. “I’m real edgy. Facing that custody hearing, even though Brie said it can only go one way, is bigger than I am. I thought it could only go one way the last time, and look what happened. It’s going to be a long night, getting ready for court.”

“I’ll help you pass the time,” Noah said, reaching for her. He pulled her against him and sighed. “The church will be done, the Booth and Riordan families have all arrived for the wedding, George is coming tomorrow…”

“Everything right on schedule,” Ellie said. “Just like we planned.” She pulled back and looked into his eyes. “When I tricked you into giving me this job, I said I’d get out of your hair the minute I had custody again. It would free you up to get a real pastor’s assistant.”

He chuckled. “The joke was on me. I couldn’t have found a better pastor’s assistant if I tried.”

“Or at least a more accommodating one,” she teased. “I doubt you’d have snuggled up to Mrs. Nagel this well. Noah, I can stick to the deal. If I do get through this hearing and get my kids, I won’t owe anybody as much as I owe you. If you hadn’t given me a chance, it wouldn’t have worked at all.”

“I told you,” he said. “I gave you my word, my commitment, that I’d stand by you, wouldn’t let you down. I’ll love you forever, never let you down, stay with you from now on. I couldn’t have made love to you under any other terms. It’s not just some notion of mine, Ellie, but part of who I am. When I make promises like that, I don’t back out. No matter what.”

She tilted her head, peering at him. “That’s really something, Noah. You must have great willpower. God must be so proud of you.”

“I’m pretty sure I fall short more often than make him proud.” He gave her a little kiss. “I’m sure you made similar promises…”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry to say, I’m not as devout as you. I wasn’t thinking of promises or commitments at all—just that I loved you. Really, I tried not to. I thought it might complicate both our lives. But I hadn’t felt anything like that in such a long time, I just gave in.”