“Mae… I feel like I can’t breathe anymore,” he confessed, his voice tight. “I watch you watch him with that look on your face. The look you have only for Prez.” He peered up at me, face sullen—a little boy lost. “Why can’t you look at me like that?”
Lord, the pain behind those words…
My chest heaved with the gut-wrenching sobs leaving my body. “I do not know, Rider. Please, I am not trying to hurt you. But I cannot see you this way, it is breaking my heart.”
He stopped dead. “You are hurting me, Mae and I can’t stand it anymore! If I have to sit in one more meeting with Prez, knowing he was in your pu**y only minutes before, I’m gonna go insane. If I have to ride out with him anymore, him chasing road just to get back into your arms, I’m fixin’ to explode! This is my goddamn home and I ain’t got nowhere else to go.”
He carefully approached and began wiping at my tears. “But I can’t be here with you and him.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. A strange expression flitted across his face. “Styx ain’t got no future, Mae. If you stay with him, only trouble will find you.”
“What do you mean by that?” I asked suspiciously.
His emotional walls went up immediately. “He’s a man wanted by a lotta folks. He’s on borrowed time, Mae. He has no future. You do… I do.”
“Rider, stop it!” I yelled.
Rider stumbled away. “I can’t stay here with you and him no more. If you’ve made your choice… I’m smoke.”
I gripped his wrist and pulled his palm to my face. He sucked in a breath. “I do not want you to go.”
“Why?” he demanded as he moved in and pressed his forehead to mine. I could smell that woodsy soap on his skin… it made me feel so safe. Rider had always made me feel safe. But all we did of late was rip each other to shreds.
“Because I will miss you,” I answered honestly.
He sighed long and hard through his nose. “It’s not enough, Mae. That’s not nearly enough.”
“I know, but I had to try…” I sniffed through my sobs.
Rider’s hand shook as he pressed a chaste kiss to my head. “I love you. How could I not? You’re perfect,” he whispered, his graveled voice almost inaudible. Warm breath blew in my ear and he whispered, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of all is love.” My heart melted as he quoted my favorite Bible verse. Then my heart broke because I knew this was Rider’s farewell.
“Please tell me you will be safe. Tell me you will be happy,” I urged through a tightening throat.
His nose ran along my jaw and pressed into my hair. He inhaled and whispered, “I’ll never be happy without you, Mae. Fuck. Why him? He’s gonna lead you straight to hell.”
“Is that so, motherfucker?”
The click of a gun loading froze us both.
Rider’s brown eyes met mine and I began to shake in fear. Closing his eyes, Rider backed away from our place against the wall and the barrel of a handgun greeted his head. I glanced over my shoulder to see Styx stood behind, with Ky beside him. I had never seen Styx look so angry before. His hazel eyes were flat and dead as he glared at Rider. Rider, who was naked—I had forgotten he was without clothes. This had not been about sex. It never had been with Rider. This was about giving my best friend closure. It was about letting him go.
“Styx, keep Mae outta this,” Rider said firmly.
Styx’s eyes narrowed as they met mine. Hurt was evident in his stare.
“Styx. Please. It is not what you think,” I begged, blood draining from my face at the sight of Ky’s gun pointing at Rider’s head.
“Then you better explain, sugar. And do it damn fast.” I glanced up at Ky; he was equally pissed. Rider had gone against a brother, a mortal sin in the Hangmen world.
“Styx… baby,” I pleaded, catching Rider’s flinch at my soothing tone to Styx. Styx rewarded Rider’s reaction with a swift hit to the back of his head with his fist.
“Styx, I came in here to help Rider. He has been finding things hard lately. I was worried about him,” I said in panic.
“Fucker’s creepin’ on Prez’s property; that’s what he’s been doing,” Ky said, cracking his neck from side to side. Styx and Ky were going to hurt Rider… all because of me.
Why the f**k’s he naked? Styx furiously signed, drawing my attention. I now understood some ASL through Styx’s intense tuition, and I most certainly did not need his question translated. Styx’s palpable emotions alone conveyed his rage at the scene before him.