I nodded; he had a point.
“Take for instance my brother. He has to travel a lot for his job. He’s gone at least one week out of every month for a career that he doesn’t like very much. He has to get on a plane and leave his wife, Janelle, and their baby girl, Sarah, all the time. But yet he acts out his part; he puts a smile on his face and he goes to work every day. That’s what he does for a living.
“Acting is something that I really like doing. It’s kind of easy for me to slip into another character and it’s fun to explore what it’s like to be someone else. And it’s far from boring, that’s for sure! If I had to sit behind a desk everyday, I think I would kill myself! But for some people, sitting behind a desk is a dream job. To each his own, you know?”
“But what about the pressure?” I questioned.
“What about it? Every job has its pressure. My pressure is just magnified because it’s publicized. All the directors out there want to make quality films that earn millions of dollars at the box offices. That’s what they get measured by. I get measured by my acting abilities and my public draw. The bigger those numbers are, the bigger my paycheck is! If you don’t have an atmosphere downstairs that pulls in customers, your sales are down and you don’t make money.”
“I know all about metrics. Economics/Business degree, remember?” I replied. “I guess I’m just worried that the pressure might be too much for you one of these days.”
He thought about my comment for a moment. “Do you remember how you felt after you sang on stage in front of all those people?”
“Yes.”
“And how did you feel?”
“Petrified that I made an ass out of myself.”
He smiled at me. “Okay, and when you played the same song in front of people last weekend, some of which you barely knew, how did you feel then?”
“It was easier. I wasn’t worried at all.”
“And why was that?”
“Because I knew I could do it, for one.”
“You had confidence. I guess it’s the same for me. The more I get to act, the more confidence I have in my abilities.”
“Yeah, but you could have all the confidence in the world and still cave to the pressure,” I stressed.
“Yeah, I know. And I feel it some days. You know that. But I also have a million reasons to deal with it – millions.” He smiled.
“So it all comes down to money?” I muttered.
“Well we all have to earn a living somehow! My mom is the one who told me to join the drama club and my dad is the one who told me to get a job. I’m blaming them!”
His comment made me laugh.
“You know how many years most people have to work to earn what I make in six months? One movie… millions.”
“Yeah, but there’s a difference between being comfortable and being greedy. Are you hoping to be one of those mega-rich mega-stars one day? You know - the ones who only have one name now? Brad? Tom?”
A tinge of fright struck me when I wondered if he would end up ditching me down the road so he could be the other half of a mega-couple. I had a comfortable amount in the bank, but I was far from mega.
“I’m looking to ride this as long as I can. Who knows, maybe one day I won’t want to do this anymore. There are other ways for me to be artistic.
Sometimes I look at my brother and envy him for what he has - a normal life and a family. That’s one of the many reasons why I’m here with you now.
You’re my peace in all this insanity.”
“Oh, I see. I’m just a piece for you,” I accused jokingly.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it!” He tickled me.
“So what is it about acting that you love so much?” I wondered.
He rested his head on his hand and looked at me seriously. “You want to know why I like being an actor? It’s actually a lot of fun. Okay, imagine this… next time you pour a beer, I want you to look like you’re furious. Hold that look on your face – make sure you look at that camera - then walk five feet to your mark and hand the customer his beer. Wait until he takes a drink and then say your lines. It’s that complicated.”
“What are my lines?” I asked.
“Oh, you really want to pretend? Okay.” He sat up on his elbow. “Your lines are ‘I thought about killing you for a long time, Joe. Today I finally get my wish.’ ”
“What’s my motivation?” I questioned, trying to get in the mindset.