“No rest for the weary,” I stated.

“Tar, would you try to come down here in two weeks? Please? Since I can’t see you this weekend at least come down to Miami. I have something very special in mind for your birthday.”

“Don’t go overboard. It’s just another day,” I groaned. “Seeing you will be more than enough.”

“Nevermind what I plan,” he whispered. “I’ll get arrangements made for you to fly down here and I’m going to make sure you make it safely to the airport this time, so don’t give me any shit about a bodyguard, okay?”

“All I need is for you to hold me,” I said.

“Yeah, me too,” Ryan whispered.

“Why are you talking so quietly? Is someone there with you?” I asked.

“No. Hang on,” he said. “Hey, I’m gonna get going. I um, ordered room service and they’re here.”

I thought I heard a woman’s voice speaking in the background and what sounded like Ryan shushing her.

“Okay, well I guess I’ll talk to you later then,” I muttered. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” he whispered quickly. The phone clicked abruptly. Ryan didn’t even say goodbye.

The phone call I had with Ryan was still playing over and over again in my mind the next day. I knew he was flying to L.A. and he had a lot of things to do, but it still surprised me that he didn’t try calling me. It was out of character for him.

I called him the following day, bothered that I didn’t hear from him. I tried to keep my annoyance out of my tone and kept my voice light and happy. Ryan was moody. He said it was because he was being rushed from place to place. He was also getting dressed for the Oscars.

Later that evening I perched myself in front of the television to watch the Academy Awards. Ryan looked so handsome on the red carpet as he gave his interview. Of course, he was asked if he was there with anyone and his reply was, “No, I don’t have a date!”

Date? How about your “one and only” girlfriend is still recuperating from her near-death experience? I grunted in anger. There was no private gesture to acknowledge he was thinking of me. I was still a secret he would never admit to out loud.

Several days later, we had another argument.

“Honey, why are there pictures of you hugging and holding Lauren’s hand on the Internet?” I asked gently.

Ryan huffed in my ear.

“Taryn, you fucking promised me,” he growled angrily.

“It’s a simple question, Ryan. I don’t hold Pete’s hand or Gary’s hand – ever. I just want to know why you felt the need to tow her along through some Oscar after party.”

“She was drunk. I didn’t want her to make an ass out of herself while she was out in public,” Ryan defensively answered.

Flashbacks of me asking Thomas similar questions coated my thoughts. Thomas always had a valid excuse too:

“Her car broke down and I couldn’t just leave her stranded so I gave her a ride home and then we just got to talking...”

“She was a girl I knew from school. She is going through some rough times right now.”

“I had to do an estimate at someone’s house. So what that I’m a couple hours late. Do I have to check in with you every ten minutes?”

I sighed loudly. “I thought Lauren has a boyfriend? Why wasn’t he tending to her?” I asked.

“Because he’s on location in New Zealand, Taryn,” Ryan returned sharply. “Her boyfriend, Lucas Banks, is also filming.” His tone made me feel like an idiot, like I should’ve known that.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized instinctively. My old habits of being insecure kept resurfacing. Thomas always had a knack of turning each argument around, blaming my lack of trust and neurosis for being the cause of our fights.

“I just wanted to know what the circumstances were, that’s all,” I conceded.

“You have no reason to be suspicious, Honey. It’s just like the pictures of you holding onto Cory out on the icy sidewalk. I recall seeing your hand in his in those pictures. Just remember how quickly an innocent gesture gets taken out of context.”

“You’re right, but…” I whispered. “I just don’t want you to give Lauren the wrong impression either, Ryan.”

“Are you going to be like this forever, Tar? Accusing me whenever I touch another human being?” Ryan snarled.

“No. But I will be like this when you’re holding hands with someone you’ve already had sex with!”