“No, no… catch and release,” I reminded him.

We spent the entire afternoon fishing out on the lake. I learned some inside trade secrets of the movie industry and how he got hurt once doing some of his own stunts. He told me about all the stunts that he had to do for the Seaside movie and how each move was carefully choreographed.

It was really interesting to learn about green screens and how they sometimes filmed inside a huge building but once the computer graphics and sceneries were added it would appear that they were actually outside.

We lounged peacefully in the boat as we watched the hawks fly in the breeze. The setting sun changed the horizon to beautiful shades of orange and red and the wind that blew across the water had a frosty chill.

Over the course of several hours we shared our stories, our thoughts, likes and dislikes, and hopes and dreams. We made each other laugh a lot. It was all so surreal.

“That was a lot of fun,” Ryan said as he tied the boat to the dock. We walked up the path to the cabin and he took the fishing poles out of my hand.

“Thank you,” he said softly. The smile on his face was genuine. He bumped his arm into mine, giving me a little nudge.

I was really happy that he enjoyed himself and that he caught more fish than I did. He didn’t seem egotistical but regardless he was still a man, and all men have their pride.

I felt a sudden urge to hold his hand as we walked to the house; his arm was almost touching mine. This would have been a perfect moment for that sentiment, but we didn’t have that kind of relationship.

I wondered if we ever would. I could picture him all too clearly being a part of my life and me being a part of his. But the part of his life that I was imagining was this part, right now – a life of peace and togetherness – of normalcy. The kind of life that most people on the planet experienced.

In reality, Ryan’s life was anything but normal now and that was hard to imagine. His life was in constant turmoil, being hounded and chased. He had no privacy. His existence had to be shrouded in secrecy to keep intimate details from becoming public. What a trade he had to make for doing something he loved.

The entire time we were out on the lake I just wanted to ask him point blank why “acting” as a career choice was worth it to him – worth the trade.

Was there something in his ego that needed that brush of attention? Did he get a thrill out of pretending to be someone else, because that’s what actors do – they get to live someone else’s life for a while. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t ask. They were questions that remained unanswered.

The biggest question in my mind was whether peace and insanity could survive together in harmony.

Chapter 7 - Revelations

“I’m freezing.” My teeth were chattering from being out on the lake. I turned the baseboard heaters on to warm up the cabin. “Ryan? Would you go get a couple of logs from the side of the house please? I want to start a fire.”

I grabbed the big steamer pot from under the counter, filled it with water, and set it on the stove. My stomach was making noises and it was getting close to dinnertime anyway.

Ryan carried in an armful of logs and I helped him stack them next to the fireplace.

“The starter log stuff is in that box.” I pointed to where he should look. I used some small branches to get the fire going.

“You’re a real Girl Scout,” he kidded and nudged me in the leg.

“Not really. I can’t start a fire without a lighter or a match. I’d be in big trouble if I had to survive in the woods.”

“I met that guy once,” he continued. “The survivor guy from TV. You know who I’m talking about?”

“Who? That guy who gets dropped off in the worst of places and then gets filmed while eating frogs and stuff?” I asked.

“Yeah. That guy.” He nodded. “I met him at a party once. He was one bizarre dude! He had some really wild stories.”

“You sort of look like the survivor man yourself!” I laughed lightly. “You have bits of wood stuck all over your shirt.” I picked some shards off of his sleeves while he plucked a few that were stuck to his chest. “Let’s go outside and brush you off.”

We stepped out onto the wooden deck and I immediately ran my hands over his arms to knock the dirt off. Instead of helping me Ryan just stood there, perfectly still, gazing at me while I dusted him.

I wondered for a moment if he was going to try to kiss me. We were so close; all I could think about was tasting him. He would only have to lean in a few inches. I would succumb willingly… My hands slowed in their movements as I tried to be precise with removing the wood shards. My eyes were fixed on tracing the texture and contours of his shirt, since I couldn’t look him directly in the eyes.