And every time Alec did, Jace—sitting across the table, beside Clary—would tense, his hands curling into useless fists. Because that was what being parabatai meant, Emma knew. Feeling someone else’s pain as if it was your own.
Magnus kept his eyes closed while Emma told the story of Thule, Julian interjecting quietly when she forgot a detail or glossed over something he thought was necessary. He didn’t push her, though, at the harder parts—when she had to talk about how Alec and Magnus had died or about Isabelle’s last stand with the Mortal Sword. About Clary’s death at Lilith’s hands.
And about Jace. His eyes widened incredulously when Emma spoke of the Jace who lived in Thule, who had been bound to Sebastian for so long he would never be free. Emma saw Clary reach over to grip his hand tightly, her eyes shining with tears the way they hadn’t when her own death had been described.
But the worst, of course, was describing Livvy. Because while the other stories were horrors, knowing about Livvy in Thule reminded them that there was a horror story in this world that they could neither change nor reverse.
Dru, who had insisted on sitting at the table with everyone else, said nothing when they described Livvy, but tears streaked silently down her cheeks. Mark went ashen. And Ty—who looked thinner than Emma remembered him, bitten down like a ragged fingernail—made no sound either. Kit, who was sitting beside him, tentatively put his hand over Ty’s where it lay on the table; Ty didn’t react, though he didn’t draw away from Kit either.
Emma went on, because she had no choice but to go on. Her throat was aching badly by the time she finished; gray-faced, Cristina pushed a glass of water toward her and she took it gratefully.
A silence had fallen. No one seemed to know what to say. The only sound was the faint tinny chime of the music coming from Tavvy’s headphones as he played with a train set in the corner—they were Ty’s headphones, really, but he’d put them gently on Tavvy’s head before Emma had started talking.
“Poor Ash,” Clary said. She was very pale. “He was—my nephew. I mean, my brother was a monster, but . . .”
“Ash saved me,” said Emma. “He saved my life. And he said it was because he liked something I said about you. But he stayed because he wanted to stay in Thule. We offered to bring him back. He didn’t want to come.”
Clary smiled tightly, her eyes sparkling with tears. “Thank you.”
“Okay, let’s talk about the important part.” Magnus turned to Alec with a furious look on his face. “You killed yourself? Why would you do that?”
Alec looked startled. “That wasn’t me,” he pointed out. “It’s an alternate universe, Magnus!”
Magnus grabbed Alec by the front of his shirt. “If I die, you are not allowed to do anything like that! Who would take care of our kids? How could you do that to them?”
“We never had kids in that world!” Alec protested.
“Where are Rafe and Max?” Emma whispered to Cristina.
“Simon and Isabelle are looking after them in New York. Alec checks in every day to see if Max is getting sick, but he seems fine so far,” Cristina whispered back.
“You are not allowed to hurt yourself, under any circumstances,” Magnus said, his voice gruff. “Do you understand that, Alexander?”
“I would never,” Alec said softly, stroking Magnus’s cheek. Magnus clasped Alec’s hand against his face. “Never.”
They all looked away, letting Magnus and Alec have their moment in privacy.
“I see why you clawed at me when I tried to lift you up,” Jace said to Emma. His golden eyes were dark with a regret she could only begin to understand. “When you first came through the Portal. You were lying on the ground, and I—you were bleeding, and I thought I should carry you to the infirmary, but you clawed at me and screamed like I was a monster.”
“I don’t remember it,” Emma said honestly. “Jace, I know you’re a completely different person than him, even if he did look like you. You can’t feel bad or responsible for what someone who wasn’t you did.” She turned to look at the rest of the table. “The Thule versions of us aren’t really us,” she added. “If you think of them as copies of you, it’ll drive you crazy.”
“That Livvy,” said Ty. “She isn’t mine. She isn’t my Livvy.”
Kit gave him a quick, startled look. The other Blackthorns looked puzzled, but—though Julian raised his hand, then lowered it again, as if he meant to protest—no one spoke.
Perhaps it was better for Ty to know and to understand that the Livvy in Thule wasn’t the same Livvy he’d lost. Still, Emma thought of the letter, now in her pocket, and felt its weight as if it were made of iron rather than paper and ink.
“It is terrible to believe that there can be such darkness so close to our own world,” Mark said in a low voice. “That we evaded this future by such a thin margin.”
“It wasn’t just chance, Mark,” said Helen. “It was because we had Clary, because we had Jace, because we had good people working together to make things right.”
“We have good people now,” Magnus said. “I have seen good people fall and fail in the past.”
“Magnus, you and Alec came here because you thought you might learn how to cure yourself,” Helen began.
“Because Catarina told us to,” Magnus corrected. “Believe me, I don’t just pop out to California for my health under normal circumstances.”
“There’s nothing normal about any of this,” said Emma.
“Please,” Helen said. “I know this was an awful story, and we’re all upset, but we have to focus.”
“Wait a second,” Magnus said. “Does this mean Max is turning into a tiny little demon? Do you know how many preschool waiting lists he’s on? He’ll never get into the Little Red School House now.”
Aline threw a lamp. No one was expecting it, and the result was quite spectacular: It shattered against one of the dormer windows, and pieces of ceramic flew everywhere.
She stood up, dusting off her hands. “Everyone, BE QUIET AND LISTEN TO MY WIFE,” she said. “Magnus, I know you make jokes when you’re scared. I remember Rome.” She gave him a surprisingly sweet smile. “But we have to focus.” She turned to Helen. “Go on, honey. You’re doing great.”
She sat back down and folded her hands.
“She definitely has a temper,” Emma whispered to Cristina. “I like it.”
“Remind me to tell you about the frittata,” Cristina whispered back.
“The important thing here,” said Helen, “is the blight. We didn’t realize how important it was—that the blighted areas will become doorways for demons. That our warlocks”—she looked at Magnus—“will turn into demons. We have to close up these doorways and destroy the blight, and we can’t expect any help from Idris.”
“Why?” said Julian. “What’s going on? What about Jia?”
“She’s under house arrest in Idris,” Aline said quietly. “Horace is claiming he caught her meeting with faeries in Brocelind. She and Diana were arrested together, but Diana escaped.”
“We heard about some of this from Diana,” said Clary. “After she escaped from Idris, Gwyn brought her here and she filled us in on what happened to her in Alicante.”
“Why isn’t she still here?” asked Emma. “Why did she leave?”
“Look at this.” Mark pushed a piece of paper across the table; Julian and Emma leaned in to read it together.
It was a message from the Clave. It said that Diana Wrayburn was missing, believed to be under the influence of faeries. All Institutes should be on the lookout for her, for her own good, and alert the Inquisitor as soon as she was spotted.
“It’s all nonsense,” said Aline. “My father says they’re afraid of Diana’s influence and didn’t want to just name her as a traitor. They’re even lying about what happened to the Inquisitor. They’re claiming he lost his arm in a battle with Downworlders when they were clearing them out of Idris.”
“His arm?” echoed Emma, bewildered.
“Diana cut the Inquisitor’s arm off,” said Jace.
Emma upset her glass of water. “She did what?”
“He was threatening her,” said Clary grimly. “If Gwyn hadn’t been around to get her out of Alicante, I don’t know what would have happened.”
“It was badass,” said Jace.
“Well, good for her,” said Emma. “That definitely calls for a large tapestry one of these days.”
“Fifty bucks says the Inquisitor develops a high-tech robot arm that shoots laser beams,” said Kit. Everyone looked at him. “It always happens in movies,” he explained.
“We’re Shadowhunters,” said Julian. “We’re not high-tech.”
He sat back in his chair. Emma could see the bandages under his sleeve when he moved.
YOU ARE IN THE CAGE.
She shivered.
“We wanted Diana to stay here with us, but she thought that would make us a target,” said Helen. “She went to hide out with Gwyn, though she’s meant to check back in a few days.”
Emma privately hoped Diana and Gwyn were having a fabulous romantic time in a treetop or something. Diana deserved it.