Oh, and P.S., for those still thinking about a blind cat trying to swim across the Atlantic. Spoiler alert. It dies.

You’re welcome.

I wasn’t going to win. I was going to lose and I was going to find Reid at the campsite flirting with Becca, making her laugh, touching her. I grabbed a tree branch, albeit a small one, and snapped it in half. Then was half-tempted to Tarzan my way through the forest.

He was on my territory. My island—literally. And I could only assume he was hoping to screw things up for me . . . but hadn’t the whole gummy bear incident been Milo’s fault? Why was he seeking revenge on me? Maybe it was because when Milo’s grandma asked for Reid’s number I gave her his address and a Garmin so she could locate him. Probably didn’t help that I put a tracking device on his car.

Ha-ha. I kill myself.

Yeah, I probably should have hidden the tracking device better.

Damn it!

A flash of color caught my eye.

Red?

Why did that look familiar? There was a piece of red fabric tied to one of the trees to my right. When I picked it up, my eyes fell on the ground next to the tree, where one set of footprints led away from the others.

“This way,” I said in my most commanding explorer-like voice, which just so happened to sound a bit British. I went against my better judgment and followed the separate set. After a few feet I noticed another piece of red cloth.

Holy shit! I was like the Hansel to someone’s Gretel!

Please let Becca be Gretel because if it was Amazon then I was up a tree defenseless just waiting for her to ax me down. She’d do it slowly too, most women like that did. She’d lure me down with promises of safety, comfort, escape, and then she’d smother me, most likely seduce me, and . . .

I shuddered.

“A trail?” Big Al scratched his head. “You think it’s smart to go completely off the grid? The rest of the footprints went in the other direction.”

“Shh!” I held up my hand and then went down on my hands and knees, placing my ear against the ground.

It was vibrating.

“I think I hear something.”

“Max—”

“Shh!”

It was getting louder. Holy shit, I was officially a badass like Lewis and Clark. For real, I could have been the guy that discovered the Oregon Trail or the Columbia River.

“Max.” Big Al grabbed me, pulling me to my feet. “It’s a plane.”

I looked up, dirt caked to one side of my face. “I know.” I laughed and brushed the dirt off. “But there were also footprints, those of an Amazon.” I looked ahead. “Bet my life on it.”

“I really wouldn’t.” Big Al sighed.

The camera guy laughed.

“Hey!” I snapped my fingers in his direction. “No comments from the hired help.”

He flipped me off from behind the camera.

I glared directly into it, then turned back toward the trail. “We go this way.”

“Fine.” Big Al sighed.

We traveled inland for around twenty minutes. Finally the smell of food started permeating the air.

“Told you so,” I snorted, then stepped directly into hell.

Also known as a circle of rope that gripped my ankle, slammed me backward onto the ground, and pulled me up a tree.

Note to self, don’t step over cracks on the sidewalk and never, ever step over rope. Because you’ll fall on your ass.

“Got him!” A few female chuckles rang out. I blinked a few times. My mouth watered at the sight of the banquet table. A freaking feast for a king was waiting. But I had a sneaking suspicion I wasn’t the king in this scenario, more like the stuffed pig. Oink.

“Sorry.” Rex laughed. “You’re the last person to cross into the feast! This of course means the girls will battle for the date. This is how it’s going to work—”

I raised my hand, or, well, like, lowered it, almost grazing the dirt beneath my head. Holy shit, I was seriously seeing stars. “Can you untie me first?”

“Sorry.” Rex did not, in fact, look sorry. He looked excited, piqued, and a bit drunk—where the hell was my alcohol? “You stay upside down until someone cuts you down. In order to be cut down, the dates must be chosen, and since three teams got here at the same time, we’ll be doing a tiebreaker.” He looked directly into the camera. “It’s time to play catch! We’ll ask each team a question until one team gets all the questions right!”

“I don’t like the sound of that game,” I grumbled. Why the hell did they call it catch then? I was afraid to ask and didn’t really want to find out, especially if I had to somehow strategically catch something while hanging upside down.

“Aw, have a sense of humor!” Rex laughed louder, and this time the cackle sounded like that of an evil villain in a Disney movie. Great, so I was officially the Sleeping Beauty to Rex’s Maleficent.

Don’t ask me why I just called myself a princess.

Blood loss. It makes a man say stupid shit, it really does.

“Will the three teams step forward?”

I almost cried when I saw Becca and Amazon take a step toward us. Reid followed closely but sidestepped them so he was closer to me.

“Bastard,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Not the thing to say when you’re tied to a tree upside down, Brother. I’ve been put through hell. Do you even realize how many people I had to pay off to be here?”

“Aw, because you love me?” I grinned. Just kidding, I loved Reid. What a good brother. I mean he—“Reid, what’s that? What are you doing?”