She stared over the cup at him, unblinking. “No.”
That wasn’t the answer he’d expected. His gut sank. “No? Really? Pandora, taking risks is part of life.”
Her gaze dropped. “Thank you for the food, but I think you should go.”
He stood. “Why are you so afraid of getting hurt?”
She closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, they held a pain that surprised him. “Because I’ve been hurt. I don’t ever want to feel that way again. And I don’t want to be responsible for someone else getting hurt.”
“No one does, but—”
She mumbled something else that he swore sounded like, “Not again.”
“I’m a grown man. I can take it. Tell me what happened.”
She shook her head. “Cole, you have no idea.”
He took a step toward her. He wanted to pull her into his arms, but he didn’t need an equation to show him how that would turn out. “Then tell me.”
She walked past him and went back to the table. She put her coffee down, picked up her fork, then put that down too. “I had a pretty serious high school boyfriend. He was…a lot like you. He didn’t believe in magic or witches or anything that didn’t have a solid, scientific explanation. My magic was…well, it wasn’t stable. It never has been, but in those days it was early still and everyone thought I was just a late bloomer.”
She took a deep breath, then let it out. “I couldn’t imagine my life without Ren. I thought we’d go to the same college, get married, have kids and live the white-picket-fence life. I also thought I’d make a believer out of him.
“We were coming home from one of the football games one night, and it had just started to rain. I had a stupid impulse to show him just how real my magic was. I don’t know why that moment seemed like the right one, but it did. Teenage foolishness, maybe.”
She swallowed. “I cast a big spell. Way bigger than I had any right to.”
“What was it?” he asked.
“An umbrella spell.” She laughed, but the sound was bitter. “How could he not believe if I could make the rain go away, right?”
She continued, her gaze going to a faraway place. “There was a huge flash of light, and he jerked the wheel and the car rolled.” The color that had started to come back to her face drained out of it. “He was thrown out of the car and killed instantly. I barely got a scratch.”
She’d lived with this since she was a teenager? He tried to imagine Kaley’s reaction to such a thing. No wonder Pandora’s broken magic was such a big issue for her. “Pandora, it’s not your fault a bolt of lightning startled him. I’m so sorry you’ve been carrying this all these years.”
“It wasn’t a bolt of lightning. It was my magic gone wrong.” She hugged her arms around her torso. “My magic has been crap all my life. My mother tried everything to fix me. We went to see specialists, she tried to find me an animal familiar, we did cleansing rites—nothing worked. I was born broken. And Ren died because of it.”
“You couldn’t have predicted what would happen.”
“I shouldn’t have attempted that spell.”
“You were a kid.”
She didn’t say anything for a moment. “I should have been the one who died.”
His gut clenched at the thought. “I’m so glad you weren’t.”
Liquid rimmed her lower lids. “I’ve never felt pain like that before. I know I was just a teenager, but I loved him. When he died, I felt so responsible.”
“I’m sure you did. Anyone would have.”
She sniffed and blinked the tears away. “I haven’t dated much because of that. I haven’t dated at all, really. I couldn’t bear the thought of being that unhappy again.”
His heart ached for her. He couldn’t imagine how devastating that loss must have been for her. And to shoulder the responsibility for the accident must have been crushing. At that moment, all he wanted to do was make her smile. “Your magic works around me, so obviously it’s not broken.”
She picked her head up and looked at him. “And when you leave? I should go back to being broken after feeling what it’s like to be whole? To be who I was meant to be? I can’t do that. I’d rather not know. I’d rather stay who I am now. I’ve figured out how to be that person. I’m…okay with it. But to get a taste of being complete and then having it ripped away…” She stared out the kitchen window. “Let me put it in terms you can understand. I’m zero percent interested in that.”
He sat back. He could see her point. “We don’t even know if we’re compatible. You’re not a little interested in figuring that out?”
She glanced at him. “You’re really persistent for a guy with one foot out the door.”
“What if…what if maybe I was willing to stay?”
She just stared at him.
He took a breath. “I like you, Pandora. I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“That’s just the familiar-witch thing.”
“Speaking of, I have a lot to learn since my dad isn’t exactly being forthcoming with the information. I thought maybe you’d help me with that. You could tutor me and Kaley.”
“I don’t know. Familiars aren’t my area of expertise.”
“We could go through those books in the attic. Maybe figure it out together.”