It is your right. Just like her screams and pain are yours.
I shook my head, dispelling the rapidly building darkness. I never listened to the monster—why was I granting it power now?
Because you can’t help what you want. Take it. Stop fighting.
Shit, I was losing control.
I shouldn’t have let myself get so wound up. I should’ve taken my time before, drawing out the moment, giving me the chance to keep the infernal beast wrapped in chains where it belonged.
Tess kept something hidden—I sensed it on a carnal level. I didn’t know what’d changed but it called to me—twisting me inside out until I slipped further away from right and into wrong.
Something was different. Something I couldn’t see or hear or touch, but it drove me insane.
My fingers crept up, latching around Tess’s throat. Her muscles worked hard as she swallowed. Her eyes were empty orbs—empty of fear or lust or love.
I f**king hated it.
“What have you done?” I ran my nose down her cheek, inhaling the scent of expensive hotel soap. Maybe I could smell the truth. Maybe then I might find out what she was hiding.
She squeaked as I spun her around, backing her into the lounge. Every step she took, the urge to give myself over grew stronger. It’d never been this bad before. This insistent.
Her fingers locked around my wrist, holding on while her feet moved backward. “Q…”
“Tell me, Tess. Tell me what you did.” Tell me how I ruined you. Because I had. There was no other reason for the way she shut me out. “Tell me why I’m feeding off something you’re projecting? What is it? What did you do?” I shook her, hating and loving the spike of emotion in her eyes. It was neither fear nor lust.
It scrambled my thoughts, confusing the shit out of me.
The chaise lounge in the centre of the room halted our journey, pressing against Tess’s legs. She jerked to a halt, still holding onto my wrist. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I glared into her eyes—dying to see what she hid, dreading it at the same time. “You’re lying—but I don’t know why.” Shaking my head, I tried to grab hold of sanity.
The monster inside urged me to string her up and whip the words free from her mouth. She needed to be taught that keeping things from her master was not f**king allowed. Lying was the worst treason of all.
But then the voice of reason smashed my limbs.
You’ll never forgive yourself for doing this against her will.
But that was the kicker. I couldn’t tell if this was against her will or if she wanted it as much as I did.
Tess’s pulse hammered beneath my grip; her skin turned cool as winter. For the first time in my sorry existence, I couldn’t control the bastardly desires roaring in my blood.
Giving her one last chance to stop this, I whispered, “Tell me to stop. Tell me what you’re not letting me see.” My eyes dropped down her na**d body, searching for clues of horror or lust. She was blank in both nuances and speech. “Do you want me to hurt you, esclave? Do you want me to fill you with my c**k and grant you pain while you come?”
Something darted in her gaze, then was gone. A snake in the grasses of f**king temptation.
Tess dropped her hold on my wrist, stroking my cheek. Her gentle caress jolted me, granting me a lifeline in the sea of black.
I loved her.
I adored her.
I didn’t want to hurt her.
“You never have to ask. I’m yours. I want what you want. I want whatever you give me.” Her soothing voice twisted my brain.
See she wants this, too. You’ve nothing to worry about. Take her. Stop holding back.
Relief and excitement shoved away the hesitation and uncertainty. My fingers tightened, cutting off her air. Her eyes flared but displayed no other sign of alarm.
Don’t. Pull away. Something isn’t right.
That voice. The words of wisdom I always listened to.
Too bad it faded with every heartbeat.
Pressing my lips against hers, I never looked away from her blue-grey depths. She stood so regal, not slouching or trembling when I released my grip. “Are you telling me the truth?”
Tess never spoke to me in French, but she whispered, “Je comprends. C'est bon.” Yes. It’s okay.
Her touch threaded through my hair, cupping the back of my skull. Her nails sank into my scalp, causing me to break out in shivers. The sharp thrill reminded me all too well of being strapped to the bed and at her f**king mercy.
She’d torn me apart.
She’d flayed me alive.
She’d made me weak.
The beast inside growled; I trembled, trying to keep the cage locked and secure.
“Take your hands off me, Tess,” I said, low and curt. Gritting my teeth, I fought against the violent craving. The one screaming of retribution. I wanted payback. Strike for strike. Lash for lash.
Tess stiffened, dropping her arms.
The sane part of my brain—the part unshadowed by monsters—fought to understand what had changed. Something about her drew everything evil to the surface. She called to this awful part of me.
Squeezing my eyes, I hissed, “I need you to stop.”
Stop so I don’t hurt you. I don’t want to f**king hurt you.
Yes, you do.
“There’s nothing to stop,” she murmured. “I want this. I want you.”
“Stop!” I roared, shaking her. My fingers burned to choke. Unable to stand touching her, I shoved her away. She fell onto the chaise, her br**sts bouncing with the force of her fall.
I spun away, clutching my head. Get out. Get out!
I had to get control. I had to find a way to protect her. None of this was right.
Then why does she give you permission?
I opened my eyes, hoping to see the strong unsullied woman I’d fallen so madly for. I needed to see her strength. But all I saw was a shell. A vacant shell.
Fuck!
I took a step back, cursing when something sharp poked my sole. I looked down and my stomach hollowed out.
My belt.
Hit her. Strike her. Turn her white skin red.
Breathing hard, I stared right into Tess’s flushed face. Where was my esclave? The equal measure of f**kedupness I’d come to rely on was gone—twisted into something entirely different that I couldn’t understand.
Her fire had been replaced by acceptance and resilience. Her eyes didn’t taunt me to hurt her, or glimmer with lust. She stood, waiting like a perfect f**king slave.