“I came back for the man I see inside the master. The man who thinks he’s a monster because of his twisted desires. I came back for Q. I came back to be his esclave, but also to be his equal. I came back to be your everything.”

I squinted at my palm where I’d sliced the flesh, making a blood-oath with Tess. I’d sworn to honour her, cherish her, protect her. I’d married her in my heart that very second in my office, sharing everything that I was while hiding everything I could. She’d come back to me knowing nothing of the real me. The monster.

She trusted you despite everything and look at how you repaid her!

My body stiffened. I have to fix this.

It was my duty to fix what I’d broken—not just today, but for everything I’d done and everything that’d happened.

Tess slept on, giving me space to untangle my thoughts. After the incident, I locked myself in the bathroom and spent an hour under scalding hot water, trying to expel the evil from my veins. When I’d finally had the balls to come out, she’d been asleep—curled up like a homeless kitten hugging a pillow.

I hadn’t meant to fall beside her and close my eyes, but the migraine forced me into a spiral of unconsciousness, giving my imagination time to haunt me while my body healed.

“I won’t! Kill me. I don’t care. I won’t!” Tess shuddered, her voice shattering the silence.

My muscles tensed at her outburst; she fell silent. Watching her, I drank in the slightness of her arms, the twitch of terror going through her limbs. Her body overheated, yet her teeth chattered with cold.

I couldn’t stop fury bubbling in my chest. “Tess. Je veux te sauver mais je n’ai pas la moindre idée de comment le faire. Si je pouvais briser chaque horloge pour remonter le temps je le ferais si seulement je pouvais te voir sourire et être heureuse à nouveau.” I want to save you but have no f**king clue how. If I could smash every clock to rewind time, I would—if only to see you smile and be happy again.

A horrible thought barrelled into me. Maybe the only way to make her happy was to let her go? Maybe I needed to stop being so f**king selfish and let her walk away—from me, my life, from every bad thing that’d happened.

My heart twisted into a painful knot.

I’m not f**king strong enough to do that.

I was cold enough to admit I would rather keep Tess, even with her soul in tatters, than let her go. And that just made me hate myself even more.

Fuck!

She thrashed suddenly, throwing her arm out, catching my chest with her sharp nails.

I hissed in a breath. A keening moan escaped her.

Goddammit, I might never have the courage to set her free—but I wouldn’t sit back and let her circle further into madness.

Tucking the gun under the pillow, I scooted closer, grabbing her clammy form. She fought, but her thin arms and floppy legs were no match. My body wrapped around hers, dragging her into me.

“No. Don’t hurt me. Not again. I can’t take it again.”

Every implore caused the ache in my chest to pound with boulder-sized guilt. I no longer had a ribcage but a gaping, vast hole that I had no f**king clue how to fix.

Even though her words weren’t meant for me, they were too apt—the perfect conclusion of our f**ked-up relationship.

Locking my arms, I held her close. Sliding onto my side, I tucked her back to my front, wrapping a leg around hers. Spooned and cocooned—protected by my body.

“It’s okay, esclave. I’m going to fix this. I don’t know how yet…but I will.”

Tess didn’t respond. Even with the heat of the room and warmth from the sheets, her body was ice. Worse than ice: it was dead—sucked into a dream where the only thing she wished for was to die.

Another shudder passed through her. My palm twitched with the urge to slap her awake, but I knew from experience it didn’t work. It only made me feel like shitless scum. Instead, I pressed my mouth against her soft curls, swallowing my anguish.

I wanted to f**king scream at how broken everything was. This was torture. Worst f**king crucifixion imaginable.

Don’t accept it. Don’t f**king put up with this.

I wanted to fight on her behalf. I wanted to tear her brain apart and delete what I’d done. Now she’d seen what I really wanted how could I hide? How could I ever convince her I would never raise my hand to her again—even though I would always dream of it?

Her body stiffened; I locked my arms tighter. I was ready for this part. It was the same night after night.

The nightmare came in threes: first the screams, then the pleas, and lastly the acceptance of absolute terror.

“Je suis là.” I’m here. I didn’t know if she heard—but at least she wasn’t going through this alone.

Her body seized like an epileptic. My biceps ached from holding, anchoring her to me, adrift in the storm of nightmares.

“You win. I beg. I beg you to end my life.”

The tears began. No sound, just a soft waterfall trailing her cheeks. Droplet after droplet of sadness. “Kill me!”

My stomach churned. I hated being so f**king helpless. Hated lying there unable to do anything.

Pins and needles stabbed my fingertips as I held her too hard. The protectiveness in my blood drummed with need to desecrate her demons. Her vulnerability angered me; I struggled briefly to see her as the strong fighter and not a broken slave.

Tess walked such a fine line in my life—she had to be strong, but not too strong to tempt me to break her. She had to be submissive, but not too weak that it called to the monster inside. Such a fine line where one slip meant either being shoved away in repulsion or dragged closer in poisonous obsession.

Not for the first time, I worried I was completely psychotic and in desperate need of help.

At least she wasn’t giving me mixed signals while she slept. And I no longer needed to find out the truth. I knew.

She hated pain.

Deplored pain.

The one thing that’d brought us together was the one thing driving us apart.

A flutter of her breath tickled my chest. I glanced down. The palm print from when I struck her in the hallway looked almost black in the gloom—outlined on her white thigh like a curse. The red burns from the wax on her br**sts were beautifully horrific.

My heart banged with disgust and passion.

You’re sick.

I bowed my head.

I know.

I’d wanted the truth, but Tess hid it too well. She had no idea my instincts would pick up on her tales, messing with my mind. The beast couldn’t tell what was real and what was not—driving me further into the dark.