Chapter Fourteen

Mark

Monday 8:20 AM

Adam and I talked while we waited for Judge Epstein to take the bench. In the PBD (pre-Beth days) I would have filled him in with lurid details about my weekend, but guys don’t talk about wives and girlfriends that way. Let’s face it nobody wants to be sitting around the dinner table, complementing the pot roast your buddy’s wife cooked up, and picturing her screaming his name. Adam was married to a very sexy woman, who I had imagined screaming my name a few times before they got together, but now she was Mrs. Roth, future mother of his children. So, the point is, we kept the conversation pretty general.

“I’m assuming that your one month experiment with celibacy is now ended,” he commented, shuffling through some files.

“Thank you lord,” I replied and he laughed.

“And I assume you figured it out?”

“Yeah, you were right. I didn’t have to think too hard. She was very motivating. In fact, I think I may have been worried deep down that after all the fantasies, reality wouldn’t stack up, but it was even better.”

“Yeah. It’s funny how that works sometimes. So now you’ll be able to get your head back in the game. I was starting to worry about you.”

“I was starting to worry about my clients.”

“Now you’ll be getting laid more than ever before. Maybe you’ll become the next Clarence Darrow.”

“Beth and I decided to focus on work during the week, and make the weekend playtime.”

“That won’t last. The first rough day you have in court you’ll be knocking on her door that night.”

“What do you mean? I used to make it through the week before no matter how rough it was.”

“Yeah, because after a rough day, who wants to go searching for companionship? But now, you have easy access. I’ll bet you a Benjamin that you don’t even make it through this week.”

“You’re on,” I shot back just as the bailiff came out from the judge’s chambers and called court to session. Judge Epstein, who made Judge Judy look like a sweet and docile young thing, stalked out onto the bench. I saw the Assistant District Attorney and the public defender approach the bench for a conference and the next thing I knew, Judge Epstein was bellowing at Adam and me to join them. Great.

“You two, The PD has to conflict out of some cases. Rather than continue them, I’m going to appoint you to represent the defendants.”

“Your Honor, we would have to continue too,” I replied. “We haven’t had any time to prepare.”

“You can handle the first one this afternoon and then I’ll spread them out through the week. That should be plenty of time to prepare. These guys are not exactly on the FBI’s Most Wanted List.” With that, the matter was decided. Her clerk handed Adam and I each five files. I had a bad feeling about this. I glanced over and saw Adam looking amused and one hundred bucks richer.

Wednesday 5:30 PM

We held a meeting to discuss the details of the mystery weekend and introduce Caitlin to everyone. My court week had already become stressful, but I wasn’t going to give in. It was a matter of principle. I was a grown man and I could control my urge to unwind with Beth beneath me for a few days at least.

“Okay everyone!” Gab said excitedly. “I got our instruction packets with our roles. Cam, I was able to get you Hercule Poirot.”

“Yes!” he said with a smile, earning him several dubious looks.

“Jess, you are going to be Jane Marple,” Gab went on.

“Great, honey. I’ll break out the support hose and join AARP.”

“Braden, you and I will be Nick and Nora Charles.” Braden started to say something but Gab cut him off, “And yes, I got permission for Bruno to be Asta.” Braden smiled. He loved that Chihuahua like a first-born son.

“Adam you will be Phillip Marlowe, and Lily will be V.I. Warshawski.”

“Hey, Lilith. We get to dress like normal human beings,” Adam said, and the two of them high-fived each other.

“Caitlin will be Nancy Drew,” Gab continued.

“Oh! I’ve read her books!” Caitlin looked happy.

“And last, but not least, Beth will be Irene Adler and Mark will be Sherlock Holmes.” Adam laughed. I glared. Great, I could walk around in a deerstalker cap and a cape, and Beth could wear enough clothing to assure that I never get her naked. Then I remembered that this Friday would be the first night her pill was working and I felt like I might cry.

“What’s the schedule like?” Lily asked.

“We show up in costume Friday evening for a late dinner at seven,” Gab answered. “After dinner, we’ll break into teams of two and each team will be given a story card with clues. We try to figure them out and solve the mystery. Saturday morning we’ll have a full breakfast and we’ll all explain our theories about the solution.”

“Wait, I don’t have a partner,” Caitlin said sulkily.

“Yes you do!” said a voice from the corner. We looked at Bruce, who stood there positively glowing, “Meet Charlie Chan.”

“You’re not Asian,” Lily pointed out.

“Neither was anyone who ever played Charlie Chan,” Bruce shot back and she rolled her eyes. Yeah, this was going to be fun.

Friday 6:00 PM

We had all left early to go change and grab an overnight bag, and then met back at the office. I had managed to secure my Sherlock gear, and while I wasn’t thrilled about it, at least it was better than the schoolboy outfit. It had been a week from hell in court, but somehow I had held out for tonight. I seriously needed to unwind, though, and after we got done with whatever we had to do, I was locking Beth and I in our bedroom until morning.

When I got there Adam, Lily, Beth and Caitlin had already arrived. I looked over at Adam wearing a trench coat and a fedora. He looked a little older than twenty-eight maybe, but basically normal. That bastard. Lily was dressed the same way. Caitlin had a red wig on her head and was dressed like she was going to a sock hop. Amazingly, Beth somehow managed to look hot in a Victorian high-collared dress. At least it wasn’t hard to tell she and I were together.

I heard a bark and in came Braden, Gabrielle and Bruno looking like a rich married couple with a dog. That was a stretch. Jess and Cam came in behind them and I tried not to laugh. Cam had an enormous black mustache and a bowler hat, and Jess looked like my grandmother. The best, though, was yet to come. To my great joy, the final person to arrive was Bruce, who actually looked even more stupid than the rest of us put together in a long satin gown, a glue-on Fu Manchu, and a hat that made him look like a Shriner. Adam promptly cracked up and Lily gave Bruce a disdainful look.