“I’m sorry to disturb you,” I said as quietly as I could. “I didn’t realize Zoi was here.”
“She hasn’t wanted to leave my side lately.” Talia looked at her daughter and sighed. She wore a simple nightgown, her hair pulled back in a braid, looking more like the mother I imagined Talin had grown up with than the warrior queen she’d become.
“That’s probably natural,” I said. “She must worry about you.”
“It’s all too much for a small child, I know. I would have left her back in the south if I’d trusted anyone to protect her as well as I can.” She rolled up the map and gestured for me to sit in the chair across from her. “What can I do for you at this hour, Nor?”
I took a deep, steadying breath. “I’d like your permission to attempt to speak with Ceren tomorrow. I know it’s unlikely he’ll be willing to discuss surrender, but I think it’s worth trying.”
“My son would never allow it,” Talia said, echoing Adriel. “And while I may not approve of his relationship with you, I also won’t go behind his back.”
“You don’t approve?”
Her head tilted, a sympathetic smile on her lips. “You’re both so young.”
“No younger than you were when you married.”
“That wasn’t by choice. And as much as I hate to say it, I’m afraid Talin may not be free to choose, either. To strengthen Ilara, Talin will need to marry a princess from another kingdom. Otherwise we’ll remain as weak as we’ve been for centuries.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “You married into the royal family,” I said. “Your lineage is no better than mine.”
“Of course not. But look where that got us. I’m fortunate my children grew up healthy, given how weak their father was, but we need to make ties with other kingdoms to improve our standing in the world. Kuven, perhaps, might have a suitable match for my son.”
Seeing Zoi on the throne was never going to be enough for her, I realized. She wanted power, just like every other Ilarean royal. The echoes of the Varenian origin story—of Princess Ilara, being forced to marry a neighboring ruler for power and wealth, rather than the prince she loved—were so strong she couldn’t fail to see them. “Talin will never forgive you if you force him into a marriage he doesn’t want.”
She was quiet for a moment. “I’ll make a deal with you, child. I’ll allow you to meet with Ceren tomorrow, with a dozen soldiers to protect you, behind my only son’s back.”
“If?”
“If you promise to let him go.”
I shrank back at her words. I wasn’t sure I was ready for marriage, but I also wasn’t ready to bargain away my future with Talin. “I can’t make that promise. I won’t.”
“I know I’m asking a lot of you. It’s clear to me that you love him. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life as a royal wife, with no real freedom of your own?”
I flinched involuntarily, and she eagerly seized on my weakness.
“Any girl who dares what you have dared, who risks everything for the possibility of adventure, isn’t going to be happy spending her time in a cage, no matter how beautiful it may be.”
“Talin wouldn’t ask that of me,” I whispered, my eyes pricking with tears.
“Talin will do what it takes to ensure his kingdom’s future.” She reached out for my hand. I was too stunned to stop her. “Sleep on it. If we’re going to arrange a meeting with Ceren, it needs to be tomorrow.” She glanced at Zoi, who had slept soundly through our conversation. “Let me know your decision by noon tomorrow, Nor. Otherwise we’ll have no choice but to attack New Castle, and once the battle has begun, I can’t guarantee that anyone will be safe.”
25
I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night, but I didn’t go to Talin, either. How could I force him to choose between his mother and me when he’d risked so much to get both of us back?
I woke Zadie before dawn and asked her to come speak with me in the courtyard. I needed her advice before I made any decisions.
“You can’t go through with this, you know.” Zadie watched me as I picked up a pebble from the gravel courtyard and threw it as hard as I could. It bounced harmlessly off a stone wall, as ineffective as I would be if I went up against Talia.
“I can’t just let Talia attack New Castle, not when there’s even the slightest chance that I can prevent it.”
“Talin will be crushed by the betrayal. And besides, it isn’t safe.” Zadie wore a new gown that Ebb had found for her, and her hair was braided in one of the intricate styles she’d worn back in Varenia. I couldn’t help noticing that she looked more herself than I’d ever seen her.
I’d settled for a simple dress with split skirts and a soft corset. Gowns felt restrictive and wrong, but I didn’t feel right strutting around in riding leathers like a Galethian. At least I could ride or run, if I had to.
“Talia said she’d send a dozen of her soldiers with me. I can’t imagine even Ceren would attack an emissary on the battlefield.”
She arched an eyebrow. “Can’t you?”
I threw another pebble, wishing I could shut out my emotions for once. Every time I tried to imagine Ceren as I’d seen him in our last face-to-face encounter, bloodied and raging in the crypt, all I could visualize was Ceren as a child, sitting alone in a room full of broken toys.
“Talk to Talin, Nor. Tell him what you’re planning. Going behind his back and making secret deals with his mother will only drive a wedge between you. If you love him as much as I think you do, trust me on this.”
“I’m not even sure he wants to talk to me,” I said. “We fought the other night, and I’ve barely seen him since.”
She touched my arm gently. “Nor, people fight, and the people we love the most fight the hardest because they care the most.” She took the last pebble from my hand and dropped it on the ground. “Which is why I will fight you tooth and nail before I let you do something foolish tomorrow.”
I shrugged away from her touch. “I have no idea what you mean.”
She took my face in her hand and turned it toward her. “I have known you since you took your first breath. Do you really think I don’t know when you’re scheming?”
I batted her hand away, but it was half-hearted. “If I tell you, you’ll never let me go.”
“You think I’ll let you go if you don’t tell me? Please, Nor. If you’re going to do something foolish, at least one person should be in on it. Otherwise, there won’t be anyone to help you when the whole thing goes awry.”